"There are those who love by seeking love, and there are those who love by being love."
I think true love and infatuation are so often confused, which is unfortunate, because they’re different in many ways. People often think they found true love, but actually it’s just infatuation. Infatuation is the state of being completely carried away by extravagant passion or admiration; extreme happiness and excitement. You feel like they’re driving you crazy. The feeling of infatuation is more intense than the feeling of love. Love may not be as intense, but it’s a much deeper, stronger, calmer, purer and more mature emotion. Love is something that’s deep within us and our soul. It’s something we are and we do, not just something we feel or something we get. Infatuation is just love of emotion. Real love, though, is love of devotion.
Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root; grows naturally and gradually; and deepens over time. You look forward to the future together and take time to build the relationship and get to know each other. On the other hand infatuation is focused on immediacy and urgency. It’s like an instant desire and people quickly "fall into" infatuation. The relationship happens suddenly and almost immediately grows into full bloom. Infatuated people want to push the relationship and make it progress faster, even though they've only known the person a short time, or superficially for a longer period. Infatuation induces impatience while love is patient.
In love, you have a deep feeling of connection (spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally) to the other person and their soul. You deeply appreciate who they are and love the whole person. However, you also understand that neither of you is perfect. You see the other person’s flaws and still love them. Infatuation, on the other hand, often sees the other person as perfect and without any flaws. When flaws appear on the surface, it almost becomes impossible to accept them. Infatuated people often only like a part of their partner and not the whole person.
If you are truly in love you care about them and their feelings. You want the best for them and make them happy. Real love is primarily interested in the other person and seeks to give instead of get. It’s other-centered rather than self-centered. Infatuation is quite selfish and is basically more interested in satisfying yourself, than it is in the other person. It’s generally focused on self-gratification, personal gain and what makes you feel good. You care about the other person because of what they can offer you. You give something because you want to get something back. True love is unconditional, while infatuation is conditional.
In a love relationship you should share common interests, beliefs, values and life goals. You don’t need to agree with everything, but you do need to respect your differences. When two people truly love each other, then they’re ready to face challenges and problems, as a team. Quarrels are less often and can strengthen the relationship. The love remains as strong in painful, difficult times as in happy times. On the other hand, Infatuation thrives only in good times. If you are infatuated, you will try to ignore problems and unpleasant tension. Infatuation discourages any real disagreements from taking place. You both are on your best behavior during all the time you spend together. Anything that could cause a discrepancy to the idea of a perfect relationship is avoided. However, it’s also possible that quarrels are very common and can seriously damage the relationship.
While attraction towards the other person may be the trait of both the feelings, there exists a sharp distinction between the two. Love may be caused by intellectual and emotional compatibility. Infatuation, on the other hand, comes with a feeling of passion and desire and is generally based on physical attraction. It’s also often accompanied by lust. Physical intimacy is pretty much the key component in infatuation, whereas, it just plays a part in true love.
Infatuation is more like a bushfire that burns hot and wild, but eventually fades. Love is more like a constant, permanent flame and doesn’t go away suddenly. Infatuation is weakened by time, while love is strengthened by it. Infatuation will diminish and you are disappointed that you no longer feel the infatuation to the intensity that you did before. You feel you have fallen "out of love." Desperate for “love”, you start looking to fall in love again and begin the search for those feelings, which you think constitute love, all over again. You quickly find another one who infatuates you, but after a while you get disappointed again. Infatuation easily shifts from one person to another. It’s only a temporary love of another person and can last, at most, several months before it starts to fade. Love, on the other hand, is capable of lasting a lifetime.
Infatuation is weakened not only by time but also by separation. The feelings lessen over time and the absence of the other person brings insecurities. You feel miserable, lost or restless, almost like a drug-addict without drugs. Distance strains and often puts an end to the relationship. Love survives and is even strengthened because of separation and distance. It’s secure and you still feel the same way about them even when they’re away. You want them nearer, but near or far, you know they’re yours and you can wait.
People who are infatuated aren't accepting of their partner’s whole actions. They often trivialize their behavior, such as abuse, lying or cheating, or think it wouldn’t have occurred if they dated or married them etc. They idealize their partner and place them on a pedestal. They have blinders on and might not see destructive traits and behaviors. Infatuation is when you look at that person almost as if they’re a mentor to you and everything they do and say is just the right action and pleases you to no end. Infatuation is in fact love not with the other person, but the image of that person – a creation of your mind. Infatuated people are sometimes disappointed when they spend any real time with their partner and become bored with them the longer they know them. They are also often infatuated with an ideal or an event and are blinded by all the possibilities. Real love though means letting go of all pretense, fantasy and expectations.
Love is when you feel absolutely comfortable with that person and can be wholly yourself. You want them to know who you are and love you for all that you really are. You want to be with them and learn about them. Love is based on who you are, not who you think your partner will like. Knowing about the person’s personality and character are so important. Love is all about the little things and you know the person very well. You love them for who they really are. Infatuated people often don't know much in-depth about the person they so-called love. After a while infatuated lovers often notice that they have not much in common and sometimes they don’t really know what to talk with each other. Infatuation often lacks reality. In a relationship you need to be able to tell what is real, versus what is imagined. You love being part of a couple, but is this the person you want to be in a relationship with? You need to look at the reality of who this person is, not who they want to be.
Other symptoms of infatuation are feelings of panic, anxiety, uncertainty, overpowering lust, feverish excitement, impatience, and/or jealously. When infatuated, you are thrilled, excited and eager, but not genuinely happy; wanting to trust, yet suspicious. There are lingering, nagging doubts about your partner and unanswered questions. There little bits and pieces about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream. Infatuation is characterized by a lack of trust, loyalty, commitment and reciprocity.
In love you’re totally committed to that special person. Love makes you feel calm, secure, supported and confident. It’s a profoundly tender bond and makes you feel at peace. There is honesty and trust; mutual respect and understanding between you. You want to be there for them in good and in bad times; encourage and support them. Love comes from the soul, not the brain or body.
Some people are in love with being in relationships and they really just want to be in a relationship with someone. Many just love infatuation, the excitement of a new relationship, romantic things and everything about it. They want to fall in “love” and make “a” relationship work. They desperately want a partner, so they’re not alone anymore or they feel a social obligation to have a partner. Some people just want the attention and feel loved, because they lack support, care and attention to their person. Or some are just scared to stay single and fear being alone. Being with someone can be a habit when one simply got used to the other or relationships. It can either be a sick addiction or some self-interest. They’re obsessed with someone because they don’t want to be alone.
Infatuated people often depend on the other person to make them happy and also depend on the relationship for self-esteem. They are often co-dependent. Infatuation has elements of addiction and can be an addictive love, without positive growth and development. When you are truly in love, you should feel that, while you could probably survive life on your own, having this special person enhances your sense.
The ultimate way to critic your relationship is to think about the changes that have happened in your life since your relationship with the other person has begun. Love makes you grow in every way. It encourages you to be the best and brings out the best in you. It gives you strength and increases the confidence in yourself. You continue to grow as an individual and each of you continues to foster other aspects of your life. Infatuation pretty much inhibits you from being the best you can be. It makes you lose focus and causes some pretty negative effects on one‘s choices and decisions, while true love centers and inspires you.
There are things you should honestly ask yourself. But the answer is often not easy to accept. You need to take a step back and survey the big picture. Does this relationship bring out the best in you? Is your life better because your partner is in it? Really? Are you happy with your life? Can you say 'I love you' and truly mean it? Do you feel comfortable with your partner or do you just want to feel comfortable with someone? Is this the person that you want to marry and spend your life with or are you just afraid to march into the future alone? Imagine the person you love in 50 years when they are old and fat. Would that change how you feel about them?
“Love is not painful, it feels incredible. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a part or element of love. The pain and hurt many feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, envy, etc. When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, we are not truly experiencing a state of love ... Pain steps into a love relationship when you switch it from a "wanted relationship," into a "needed relationship." You don't NEED any one relationship. Want? Yes. Need? No."
“Think before you leap because it is the journey of life. Love sails you through it while infatuation drowns you.”
I love you. It's not a weight you must carry around.
I love you. It's not a box that holds you in.
I love you. It's not a standard you have to bear.
I love you. It's not a sacrifice I make.
I love you. It's not a pedestal you are frozen upon.
I love you. It's not an expectation of perfection.
I love you. It's not my life's whole purpose (or yours).
I love you. It's not to make you change.
I love you. It's not even to make you love me.
I love you. It's as pure and simple as that.
~ Anonymous ~
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